Back from Austenland
by Hessenjeck
Summary: After returning from Austenland Jane begins to wonder what really happened. See how she puts her thoughts in her diary and into her mails to Molly
1. Chapter 1

NY, June 25th 2013

Dear Diary,

I'm back.

What a disaster!

Normally I would call Molly and talk everything through but somehow I need to sort out what has happened by myself before I go to her.

It's been a really long time but I hope you' ll do.

I have only been in the UK for a short time but the guy in the travel agency was right – _what a life changer_!

I will come to what has happened at Austenland in a minute - and boy do we have to go deep in my completely disturbing brain! Gosh, I must be so messed up to be feeling such things.

Today, when I went into my bedroom I understood for the first time why Molly called it _creepy_. I'm thirtytwo and my room looks like a fourteen year old's. I need to get rid of all the Austen memorabilia before I can think straight.

I have made a complete fool of myself. Not only spending MY WHOLE SAVINGS on this trip, oh no.

Right now it goes in circles: - You fell for Nobley – You fell for a fictional character – You knew it was wrong – You then choose the real guy – The real guy was fictional – You can't tell the difference anymore, you moron.

And this room it the perfect proof of my inability to see the difference between fiction and reality. Figure that for a NY gal! Don't we have the reputation to be right down to earth?!

I guess I will try the New York approach and dip myself in a little more realism.

Oh, just remembered – I need to go get some groceries… be right back.

J.

NY, June 25th 2013

Dear Diary,

the big apple is a great therapist (I start to wonder why Woody Allen needed all those sessions with his shrink – yeah yeah, I know, don't go there.)

Being honked at three times and yelled at four times just to get my fridge filled, I feel like I have showered in „real life" and when I came back I started to 'deAusten' my room (as Molly has called it) immediately. And it actually felt great - and sad.

Somehow it's like awaking from a haze, and now all this stuff sits right next to the door. I won't throw it away, but put it in my basement. Don't worry, I won't get it up here again. But Jesus, somehow all those things were part of my life the last fifteen years (I know, doesn't make it healthier).

Later I lay on by bed in my new 'grown up' apartment and was scared shitless.

I just feel so incredible empty and ashamed but somehow I have a feeling that's eventually a good sign. Cross my fingers.

My Chinese takeaway is here. Be right back

J.

Hello again,

you know, the silence from your side oft the conversation is a little frustrating – and actually kind of helpful. I think I will wait 'til tomorrow to call Molly, and you and I - ok mostly I- will have a chat about the rest of my Austenland experience.

So let's get started – THE MEN (Oh god, just remembered how I giggled when I talked to Nobley about this - shame.)

Right in to it – Mister Nobley:

I mean, I knew he was a fictional character, but somehow some things still don't make sense.

I mean I had a flutter in my stomach the first time I saw him. He is very attractive handsome and he was „the resident Mr. Darcy". And a perfect one, that is.

I keep telling me, he was playing his part perfectly, but then I start to wonder:

Was giving me the pencils part of his role? - Probably!

Was he sent to 'safe' me with his horse? - Maybe so (btw, that was so romantic).

What about when he tackled me while we were rehearsing for the theatrical? - It must have been only silly me who tingled all over. (He was so near, I could feel his breath on my face and his hand on my knee and smell his soap). But maybe this could be admittedly a little unconventional Mr. Darcy-roleplaying. - Moving on.

Was I really making him nervous? - Probably not (what a great actor he must be, because my stomach fluttered after his confession)

The worst part was his confession at the ball. The great finale and I stood there and was swept off my feet. His words, his face - and he sounded so sincere! My heart was pounding. I was really close to say Yes even though I knew this was my scripted happy end proposal from the brochure. - How pathetic is that? I guess this was the first Life Changer – finally saying NO to the fantasy. But I had to get out and grab something real. Enter Martin...

Boy, what a punch in the face – and the second Life Changer. I can't tell reality from play. I mean, the time with Martin was fun, he was really sweet and funny. It was nice. But I knew he was a fill in. First, because I had no „partner", and then, because I wanted to get away from Mr. Nobley as fast as I could.

Martin played a part and I finally got it. He was sent to the airport to convince me not to do anything about Mr. Wattlesbrook. So what he said at the airport was logical.

But what about Nobley?

Why _was_ _he_ at the airport?

And why did he lecture me about how improper it is to be „cavorting with the servants", when Martin was the one who was scripted for me? That doesn't make sense. Maybe the actors don't know who is scripted for whom? Hmm.

And why did he say that "I never lied to you?" line at the airport? I mean, we both knew he played some part.

And what about "our moment" during the play? I mean, when he said the "I love you" he himself seemed shocked about how that sounded. – Argh, I'm turning in circles and you're not helping.

Just checked the time, it's too late to call Molly but that will be the first thing in the morning. Hopefully she'll be the voice of reason. (Yeah right!)

Goodnight.

J.


	2. First encounters

**So, chapter two. As you might have guessed I'm not a native spaeker or writer but I loved the movie and actualy I loves some of the fics here on this page (read Emails from austenland, it's fantastic!), Somehow I just wanted to try writing fanfiction, but I struggle a little with the language. So please comment and give me some tips. I would like that. **

**This chapter starts right where the movie stops. I just had to envision Molly walking in...**

"What the heck is going on here?" Molly stood in the doorway, her baby belly pointing accusingly at them. Her voice was harsh and Jane and Henry broke apart, caught like some teenagers.

"Oh, hi Molly, this is Henry. Henry, this is Molly, my best friend."

Jane could tell that Henry's mask he wore so often at Austenland was back into place, his back rigid and face unreadable. He extended his hand "Nice to meet you, Molly."

Molly took his hand, not really looking at him but at Jane. "Yes, hi. Ah, Jane, could I talk to you for a minute. " She dragged Jane into the bedroom.

"Sorry, we'll be right back" Jane tried to tell Henry before Molly closed the door.

"ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE. You can't bring one of the actors back here. What were you thinking? This whole trip had the purpose to finally get this Austen stuff out of your system."

"Molly, wait, I…"

"And now you bring one back to New York? Jane, get a grip. This is not real. They are ACTORS!"

"Molly, stop! Henry is not an actor. I know, I told you how awful it was but apparently he wasn't acting. He is actually a history professor and he flew here to tell me he is mad about me. ME! Not my character."

"Jane, you can't be serious. This is not a RomCom. This is reality."

"Molly, I know that. The only thing I'm saying is, give him a chance. I mean, I owe it to myself and to Henry to at least get all the facts straight. And I want to know the real guy, not the person I thought he was."

"Jane…"

"Molly, he flew across the freaking ocean to see me and when I told him that he could have mailed my sketchbook, he was willing to just walk away. He is not pushing me or anything."

"What? What are you talking about? Jane, this guy could be a lunatic, maybe someone dangerous."

"He isn't. I know that. Admittedly, I don't know a lot about him but I know that he will take care. Molly. He is not dangerous. I actually WANT to get to know him better."

"But, Jane, that sounds insane. This is not you."

She took a deep breath and wanted to keep on persuading Jane to kick Henry out of her apartment when she looked around Jane's bedroom and realised the change. She stopped talking, a shocked expression on her face.

"Jane, what DID happen in England?" she asked in a low voice.

Jane could see that Molly was really worried, but now was not the time to explain how everything went upside down. Heck, she even didn't understand half of it herself.

"Molly, I'm fine. I had a rough time at the end but that was actually my own fault. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

There was a soft knock on the door.

"I made some tea, … and I just wanted you to know that the door is not as soundproof as you may think it is."

_Oh my God! "_Listen, Molly, I know I owe you a profound explanation but right now," Jane lowered her voice, hoping that Henry wouldn't hear her from the other side, "right now there is this awesome man standing in my kitchen, who flew half around the world. And I actually would like to talk to him."

Molly snorted.

"I promise we'll talk tomorrow."

Molly scrutinized Jane, only now realising that she seemed to be a little flustered. She gave in. "Ok, tomorrow you and your Prince Charming will come to our place. 10.30. Brunch. No excuses!"

"Ok," resigned she nodded. "Can I go back now…?" She went to the door.

"Sure, but I hope you don't mind me asking a few questions." Molly followed her in the living room. Henry stood next to the small table, cups and teapot already set. He smiled awkwardly.

"So, Henry," Molly sat down, getting herself a cup. "Jane here tells me you are not an actor. What do you do for a living?"

"Actually I am a history professor. I teach at Cambridge University."

"So you're smart guy?"

"I suppose so." He gave Molly a funny look.

"Then you'll admit that all this," she showed around the apartment and at Jane and Henry, "is a little strange and fast. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Somehow I feel like I'm having a job interview."

"No, no, not a job interview. Try something along the third degree. Much more painful when one is lying." She looked down at her phone where she had written something earlier.

She whistled. "But I see you are quite a busy little professor." She read out loud "Author of four books concerning the Napoleonic Wars, the German Movement of the Vormärz and the Polish Liberation Movement; voted four times best lecturer on campus. Oh my, there is even a Facebook-site."

"What?" Jane looked over Molly's shoulder, pretty impressed by what she could see about Henry on the Internet.

"Wow, quite impressive. Ok, I'll leave you two alone. Don't forget our brunch tomorrow." She grinned cheeky at Henry "I'm not quite finished with my questions."

"Fair enough. It's been nice meeting you, Molly." He smiled his gentle smile and Molly nodded.

"See you, Doc. Bye, Jane."

After Molly left, the silence between the two of them was crushing. Going back to kissing was not an option, as much as both of them regretted that, they knew it was time for a little talking.

"Do you want to grab something for lunch?"

"Yes, please. I'm actually starving. Couldn't quite manage to eat something on the plane. I was just too nervous. " He grinned sheepishly and Jane's heart fluttered. She grabbed her cardigan.

When they were about to leave the apartment, Henry's eyes fell on the cardboard Darcy, the boxes and the doll house. "Um, Jane, what's that about?"

Jane ducked her head. She knew she had to tell him about her crazy Darcymania, but not today.

"Can I take a rain check for the explanation? I swear you'll understand."

"That's okay." They walked towards the elevator.

"Come to think about it, with all the drama involved, maybe we should pretend – at least for a day – that we hadn't met at Austenland?!"

She looked at him. The way he behaved in all this relationship stuff made it evident that both of them had a rather bad history in the love department. She nodded.

When they had entered the elevator, Jane turned to Henry. "Hi, I'm Jane. I live at 54c. I haven't seen you here. Have you just moved in?"

He smiled. "Very nice to meet you, Jane. No, I was just visiting a _friend." _

"You're not from the US. Is it your first time here in NYC?"

While they talked, their grins got bigger and bigger, but they both stared mostly at the digital display, watching the numbers descending.

"I have been here already twice, but always for work. It's the first time I actually have some time off to look around. I was hoping my friend would show me the city, but I must just have missed him."

"If you don't think it's a little too pushy, I could show you around." She pointed at her chest. "New York gal and proud of it."

"I'd love you to. Would you accept a lunch invitation as compensation for your troubles?"

"You're on!" They left the lift, each trying to hold in the giggle.

When they entered the street, Jane hummed the melody of The Police's _Englishman in New York_.

Henry laughed out loud and took her hand.


	3. Need help

From: at

Subject: Need help – no money for a shrink!

Date: 1st July 2013 10:56 AM

To: mollylagarde at

Dear Molly,

I'm sitting in the train back from the airport. Alas, today Henry flew back to the UK. All together, he was able to spend six whole days here in NYC and they were blissful. I think I never walked that much and enjoyed every bit of it. And we never were out of things to talk about.

And just to clear my overthinking head, I thought I might pass the time to sort out some things. Humour me and help me here, will ya? (Last time I had this sort of conversation it was with my diary. A little too one sided for my needs.)

So, todays problem is: I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with Dr Henry Nobly, professor of history at Cambridge University.

I mean, this is not actually the problem, but considering that we live at opposite sides of the Atlantic, I have started to let some options rolling around in my brain. But before you'll get my conclusions, bear with me to evaluate why I should try everything possible to be with him.

I mean, you're always my voice of reason, so I need you to do this check with me.

Will you?

Love,

Jane


	4. 1-800-TALK

From: mollylagarde at

Subject: 1-800-TALK

Date: 1st July 2013 11:10 AM

at

My dearest Jane,

I was wondering when your overthinking mind would take the upper hand over all those hormones raging in your system right now. It's good that you mailed (why not calling? Train too crowded?) and I promise that I will try to help 'evaluate' our dear Mr Nobley.

But just to be sure, I'm sticking with my sarcasm and comments.

So shoot!

Love,

Molly


End file.
